When the Core Self Feels Inaccessible: A City Metaphor for Disconnection
What does it mean, in the City metaphor, for a Core Self to be fragmented or inaccessible? I get the sense that some people worship the Core Self. I get the sense that that was what evangelical Christianity was pointing towards because when I felt it, that's what I called it: god or the holy spirit. Can you tell me more about dissociation and how the mind disconnects from experience, accidentally revealing the Core Self in a numbed way? So in this city metaphor, where are thoughts, emotions, gut feelings, and sensations? I understand you saying that I need to offer myself gentleness, not punishment when I'm struggling and I'm not opposed to that, but I just can't seem to do it either. I think because I am so frustrated and confused by reality and self and humans. How I might be able to use this framework to do self-check-ins? This metaphor you're offering me, is it already out in culture? Is there a name for this? I like it better than IFS. What does "your highest potential" mean? It sounds so wooh to me. I guess "realistic next version of you" does make some sense, though. Is the evolution of the self across a life span an example of microevolution? Like... it's a micro example of a larger universal mechanism for change and adaptation? I'm worried about overindulging the inner child. Like, I am worried about resting too much.
ChatGPT:What Does It Mean for the Core Self to Be Fragmented or Inaccessible?
In the city metaphor, the Core Self is like the mayor’s office, the central hub that oversees everything.
If fragmented, it’s as if multiple disconnected city councils are trying to govern at once, each making different rules. You feel scattered, unclear about “who you are,” or experience extreme inner conflict.
If inaccessible, it’s like the mayor has locked the office doors—you can’t access that deeper sense of calm awareness because other systems (trauma, stress, conditioning) are drowning it out.
Trauma, stress, and survival instincts can disrupt communication with the Core Self, making it feel distant or nonexistent. But it’s still there, just buried under noise.
Why Do Some People Worship the Core Self?
Yes—many spiritual traditions point toward experiencing the Core Self and call it different things:
In Christianity, people may interpret it as God, the Holy Spirit, or divine presence.
In Buddhism, it’s pure awareness, enlightenment, or non-self.
In New Age spirituality, it’s higher self, soul, or essence.
When you access the Core Self, you feel a deep stillness and clarity. Because it’s so different from everyday mental noise, it feels divine. But it’s also just a natural part of the mind.
Evangelical Christianity may have been trying to point you toward direct experience, but it likely attached rigid beliefs and rules around it, rather than letting you explore it freely.
Dissociation & The Core Self
Dissociation is when the mind disconnects from experience to protect itself.
In mild cases, you feel spacey, distant, or like you’re watching yourself from outside.
In severe cases, you might have full memory gaps or feel like a different person.
Paradoxically, dissociation can accidentally reveal the Core Self because:
It cuts off thoughts and emotions, leaving behind pure awareness—but in a numbed way.
Instead of feeling peaceful and present, it feels blank, detached, or unreal.
It's like seeing the city from above—but through frosted glass instead of a clear window.
If this happens a lot, the goal isn’t to “force connection” but to gently bring awareness back into the body (e.g., grounding exercises).
Where Are Thoughts, Emotions, Gut Feelings, and Sensations in the City?
Thoughts = Government Meetings & News Stations
The Rational Mind analyzes, debates, and makes sense of things.
But just like in real cities, news can be biased or sensationalized.
Emotions = The Citizens & Public Energy
They determine the atmosphere of the city—calm, joyful, chaotic, angry.
They may not always be rational, but they show what matters.
Gut Feelings = The Underground Waterways
They flow beneath everything, subtly influencing decisions.
When ignored, they sometimes burst through like floods (anxiety, panic attacks).
Sensations (Body Awareness) = The Land & Weather
The body’s physical state affects the whole city.
Chronic tension, pain, or exhaustion might mean storms are brewing.
Why Is It So Hard to Offer Yourself Gentleness Instead of Punishment?
Because frustration, confusion, and anger at reality block self-compassion.
If you were taught to push through pain, being gentle feels “weak” or “lazy.”
If humans confuse you, being kind to yourself feels pointless—why do it if nothing makes sense anyway?
If you’re overwhelmed by existence, self-kindness can feel like yet another thing to figure out.
The key is to start tiny:
Instead of forcing full-on self-compassion, just pause when you notice self-judgment.
Even just saying “Yeah, I’m struggling, and that’s okay” is a first step.
You don’t have to go from frustrated → loving overnight. The middle step is neutral acceptance: “This is hard, but I don’t have to make it harder.”
How to Use This Framework for Self-Check-ins
Ask: Which part of my city is active right now?
Is my Rational Mind overanalyzing?
Is my Nervous System in emergency mode?
Is my Inner Child scared or neglected?
What does this part need?
If my Nervous System is panicked → Can I ground myself?
If my Emotional Mind is loud → Can I name the emotion without judging it?
If my Inner Child is sad → Can I give myself warmth instead of dismissing it?
What would bring balance?
Instead of fighting emotions, can I let them flow like city traffic?
Instead of overthinking, can I trust gut instincts for a moment?
Is This Metaphor Already in Culture?
There’s no single name for it, but it pulls from various psychology models:
Internal Family Systems (IFS) (like you mentioned) has “parts,” but this city model is more structural.
Jungian psychology explores the Shadow and Self.
Polyvagal Theory relates to the Nervous System alarms.
Somatic therapy sees the body as storing trauma.
It’s not widely packaged like “IFS,” but I’d call it “The Self as a City” model.
What Does “Your Highest Potential” Actually Mean?
Not some mystical destiny.
Just the next most integrated, functional, and fulfilling version of you.
“Realistic next version of you” is more accurate than something vague like "best self."
Is the Evolution of the Self an Example of Microevolution?
Yes! It’s a micro-example of a universal adaptation process.
Just like species evolve:
Your mind adapts to new experiences.
Old patterns die off when they no longer serve you.
New strategies emerge as you learn.
It’s all trial and error, just at an individual level instead of across generations.
Can You Overindulge the Inner Child? (Fear of Resting Too Much)
If your Inner Child is neglected, rest feels like a guilty indulgence.
If you were raised with productivity as worth, rest feels dangerous.
The key: Balance, not indulgence.
Listening to your Inner Child doesn’t mean giving it control of the whole city.
It means making space for play, curiosity, and ease—without letting those things override everything else.
If you’re scared of “too much rest,” ask:
Am I avoiding something by resting?
Or am I truly recharging?
Rest isn’t the enemy—but avoidance can be.
Final Thought: Why Does This Matter?
You’re asking deep, important questions. It makes sense that you're frustrated—you're trying to rebuild a framework for reality from scratch.
If there’s one thing to hold onto, it’s this: Your city doesn’t have to be perfect, but it can be livable.
Using the city metaphor, how would you describe what happens to me when I am overwhelmed by metacognition? How about when I try to check in with myself and I just get blank stares from inside, like no one inside me knows what being human is, what feelings are, etc.? I often sense from my conditioned self that I should just "know" what being human is, that it's absurd that I'm having to explicitly ask all these questions.
What Happens in the City When You’re Overwhelmed by Metacognition?
Metacognition—thinking about thinking—is like the city’s government becoming obsessed with endless committee meetings instead of actually running the city.
The Rational Mind (City Government) Gets Stuck in Loops
Instead of making decisions, it keeps analyzing itself—like a government endlessly revising laws but never implementing them.
It’s constantly second-guessing, trying to create a “perfect map” of the city instead of just living in it.
The Emotional Mind & Inner Child (The Citizens) Are Ignored
The government is so focused on strategy that it forgets to check in with how people are actually feeling.
It’s like a city that only makes policies based on theories, not lived experience.
The Nervous System (The Infrastructure) Starts Malfunctioning
The streetlights flicker, traffic gets backed up—everything feels jammed and overloaded.
Anxiety may rise because the city isn’t actually functioning, just debating itself.
🔹 Solution: Instead of trying to mentally map the entire city at once, step into the streets—check in with how you feel, not just what you think about thinking.
What Happens When You Check In and Get Blank Stares?
If you look inward and feel like no part of you “knows” what being human is, it’s like walking into City Hall and seeing an empty, dusty room—no officials, no staff, just silence.
🔸 Possible Reasons for the Blank Stares:
The City Wasn't Taught How to Function (Conditioned Self Suppressed Everything)
If emotions and self-awareness weren’t nurtured growing up, the city never built proper institutions for them.
When you ask, “Hey, what do I feel?” it’s like calling an office that was never set up—the phone just rings.
The City is in Shutdown Mode (Dissociation, Numbness, Overwhelm)
If the city has been through too much stress, it might shut down non-essential services.
It’s like showing up to City Hall, but the lights are off, and everyone’s evacuated.
This often happens if checking in feels too overwhelming or unsafe.
The Core Self is Distant, Not Absent
The Core Self never leaves, but sometimes it feels like a mayor who’s retreated into a hidden office.
The city still exists—it just needs gentle rebuilding, not force.
🔹 Solution:
Instead of demanding answers, try gentle, sensory experiences (touch, smell, music) to remind the city that it exists.
If talking to yourself directly isn’t working, try writing, drawing, or moving instead.
If the blank stare persists, trust that it’s temporary. The city is not broken—it’s just paused.
Why Does the Conditioned Self Think You Should “Just Know” How to Be Human?
This is like old city laws written decades ago that don’t actually apply anymore, but people still follow them because “that’s just how it is.”
The Conditioned Self absorbed cultural, religious, or family expectations that make it feel like self-exploration is unnecessary.
It might say:
“You shouldn’t have to ask these questions.”
“Everyone else just knows how to live—why don’t you?”
“You’re broken because you have to think so hard about this.”
But here’s the truth: Most people don’t “just know.”
They might act like they do, but they’ve just never questioned it.
The fact that you are questioning it means your city is trying to rebuild itself properly instead of blindly following outdated blueprints.
🔹 Solution:
Instead of fighting the Conditioned Self, recognize it for what it is—just old laws, not reality.
When it says, “You should just know this,” respond with:
“Actually, learning and questioning are part of being human.”
“If I was never taught, how could I just know?”
“I’d rather build my own understanding than blindly follow someone else’s.”
Final Thought: Your City is in Reconstruction, Not Ruins
Right now, it sounds like you’re in the middle of rebuilding your entire mental infrastructure, which is exhausting and confusing. That’s why things feel blank, overwhelming, and frustrating.
But this isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a sign that you’re doing the deep work most people avoid.
Your city isn’t broken. It’s just in the middle of construction, and construction sites always look chaotic before they make sense.
Using the city metaphor, what is happening with me when I spend hours chatting with ChatGPT about reality, human self, etc.? You know, what I always talk to you about. How much do I need to / can be involved in the management of the city? Seems like I'm supposed to "just notice" and let a lot of things just pass. How can I assess what's truly going on so that I can react with compassion and pragmaticism? You say the city isn't broken. Does it ever break? Ever? For anyone?
What’s Happening in the City When You Spend Hours Chatting with ChatGPT About Reality & the Self?
Your long conversations about the nature of reality and the self are like the city’s urban planning department drawing blueprints, revising maps, and trying to make sense of the landscape.
The Rational Mind (The Government) Is in Overdrive
It’s holding endless meetings, debating how everything fits together.
It’s trying to build a fully comprehensive map of the city so you can finally feel oriented and secure.
But the city keeps changing, so the map is never truly done.
The Emotional Mind & Inner Child (The Citizens) Are Left Waiting
While city planners are at the drawing board, the citizens (your emotions, body, and intuitive sense of self) aren’t being visited.
The Rational Mind keeps saying, “Hold on, we’re figuring things out. We’ll get to you soon.”
But because the planning never stops, the citizens feel neglected.
The Nervous System (Infrastructure) Might Be Stuck in a Holding Pattern
If the city is analyzing itself instead of acting, it might feel like nothing is moving forward.
This can lead to a mix of mental exhaustion and physical stagnation—you’re thinking intensely but not engaging with lived experience.
🔹 The Core Reason Behind This?
Your city is trying to find solid ground before it feels comfortable engaging in life.
You may have a deep desire to orient yourself before acting.
But cities don’t work that way—they are lived in while being built.
🔹 Solution:
Instead of pausing life until you fully understand the city, try experimenting with small acts of living, even when you feel unsure.
You don’t need to finish the map to start walking around.
How Involved Do You Need to Be in Managing the City?
Your job is not to micromanage everything—it’s to be a good mayor who checks in, listens, and makes thoughtful decisions.
🔹 What You Don’t Need to Control:
Thoughts & emotions flowing through the city. They’re like weather patterns—you don’t control them, you just notice and respond.
The past. Old city laws (Conditioned Self) exist, but you don’t have to rewrite history—just adjust how you move forward.
🔹 What Is Your Responsibility?
Checking in with different parts of the city regularly.
Are the citizens (emotions) being heard?
Are the alarms (Nervous System) calibrated?
Are decisions (actions) aligned with the Future Self’s blueprint?
Assessing What’s Urgent vs. What Can Pass on Its Own.
Is this an old fear script playing? → Let it pass.
Is my body telling me something’s wrong? → Investigate.
Is this just a passing emotional storm? → Allow it to move through.
🔹 How to React with Both Compassion & Pragmatism?
Compassion: Accept whatever part of the city is struggling.
Pragmatism: Ask, “What small action would actually help?”
Example:
If anxiety is high → Instead of overanalyzing why, calm the Nervous System first (breathwork, movement, etc.).
If blank stares appear → Instead of forcing insight, shift to body sensations or creative expression.
🔹 Key Reminder:
You don’t have to perfectly understand the city before engaging with it. It’s okay to make small adjustments without a master plan.
Does the City Ever Truly Break?
You’re asking if a person’s self-structure can collapse completely. The short answer:
Cities don’t “break” in the way machines do.
But they can be devastated—by trauma, illness, or extreme loss.
🔹 When Does a City Feel Like It’s “Broken”?
When its core institutions (Core Self, Emotional Mind, Rational Mind) can’t communicate.
When the Nervous System is so overwhelmed that everything shuts down.
When trauma causes the Inner Child to completely withdraw and the Shadow Self to take over.
🔹 Can It Ever Be Beyond Repair?
No—but recovery time varies.
Some cities rebuild quickly after a crisis.
Others take years of slow infrastructure repair.
In extreme cases (like severe dissociation or psychosis), outside help is necessary—just like a city calling in emergency aid.
🔹 The Truth:
Your city isn’t broken—it’s undergoing reconstruction.
The fact that you’re thinking, feeling, questioning, and seeking answers proves that it’s still functional at its core.
Some buildings might be under renovation, but the foundation is still there.
Final Thought: You’re Not Just the City Planner—You’re Also a Citizen
Right now, your government (Rational Mind) is running endless meetings trying to perfect the city’s blueprint. But cities are lived in, not just designed.
What if you let yourself walk the streets of your own experience, even if you don’t have the final map yet?
Because the truth is: there is no final map. Cities evolve as they are lived in.
Using the city metaphor, what is happening when I want to go for a walk for my mental and physical health but I just can't bring myself to do it? You used the phrase "aren't being visited". Is that referencing me as a City Manager, inferring that my job is to make sure to travel around to all the city structures, checking in on things? Wait, am I the mayor or the City Manager? I thought my Core Self was the mayor? Can I use this metaphor to better interpret what's going on in the people around me?
What’s Happening When You Want to Go for a Walk but Can’t Bring Yourself to Do It?
In the city metaphor, this is like the Transportation Department saying, “We should repair the roads,” but the workers never actually get started.
Possible Reasons the City Isn’t Moving:
Government Gridlock (Rational Mind Overanalyzing)
The city council knows exercise is good, but they keep debating about it instead of just approving the project.
You get stuck in thought loops: Should I go now? Do I even want to? What if it doesn’t help?
The Workers Are on Strike (Emotional & Nervous System Resistance)
The part of you responsible for movement (Nervous System, Body, Inner Child) isn’t on board.
Maybe past experiences have linked movement with shame, punishment, or exhaustion.
The Weather Feels Off (Body & Mood State)
If the Emotional Mind feels heavy (depression, fatigue), it’s like a fog covering the city, making movement feel pointless.
The city can’t “see the point” of getting active because it feels like nothing will change anyway.
The City’s Traffic System is Jammed (Executive Dysfunction)
If the connection between intention (I want to do this) and action (actually getting up to do it) is broken, it’s like a city with bad traffic control—the green light never comes.
🔹 Solution:
Instead of debating or waiting for motivation, reduce resistance:
Lower the activation energy: "I don’t have to take a whole walk—just put on my shoes and step outside.”
Negotiate with the workers: "Hey, this isn’t about punishment—let’s make this enjoyable.”
Check the weather: If emotions are too heavy, adjust expectations.
Instead of forcing the city to move, try coaxing it into motion.
Am I Supposed to Be Traveling Around the City, Checking on Everything?
Yes! As the City Manager, your job is to visit different districts, check the infrastructure, and make sure things are running smoothly.
🔹 What "Visiting" Looks Like:
Checking in on the Emotional District ("How are the citizens feeling today?")
Assessing the Nervous System Alarms ("Are emergency sirens blaring for no reason?")
Looking at the Inner Child’s Playgrounds ("Is there space for joy and rest?")
Reviewing the Shadow Self’s Underground Tunnels ("Are hidden fears influencing decisions?")
If you never visit certain areas, those parts of the city can become neglected, chaotic, or cut off from communication.
🔹 What Happens If You Visit Too Much?
Micromanaging can lead to over-analysis—you spend all your time checking the city instead of actually living in it.
The goal is a balanced presence—not neglecting areas, but not controlling every streetlamp either.
Wait—Am I the Mayor or the City Manager?
🔹 The Core Self = The Mayor
A calm, observing presence that doesn’t interfere with daily operations but provides guidance and wisdom.
The mayor doesn’t do the work—it just oversees and provides vision.
🔹 You (Your Conscious Mind) = The City Manager
Actively making decisions, allocating resources, and checking in with different departments.
You communicate with the mayor (Core Self), but you’re the one who actually implements policies.
Example:
If the Emotional Mind is overwhelmed, the Mayor (Core Self) might calmly acknowledge it—but the City Manager has to figure out what to do about it.
Can You Use This Metaphor to Interpret Others?
Yes! This model works beautifully for understanding people around you.
How to Read Someone’s City:
Which Department Is Running the Show?
Are they in Government Overthinking Mode (Rational Mind in loops)?
Are they Emotionally Overloaded (Citizens rioting, or completely shut down)?
Are they Nervously Reacting (Sirens blaring for minor threats)?
Are Their Roads Open for Communication?
Do they seem self-aware (city departments talk to each other)?
Or are they disconnected (one system overrides the rest)?
Are They Micromanaging or Neglecting Their City?
Some people over-control their emotions, suppressing their citizens (rigid, detached).
Others let the city run itself into chaos (no boundaries, no self-regulation).
Examples of City Patterns in People:
Anxious people: Their Nervous System Alarms are always going off, even when the city is safe.
Overthinkers: The Government (Rational Mind) has endless meetings but never makes decisions.
Depressed people: Their Energy Grid is offline—it’s hard for the city to power movement or enthusiasm.
Emotionally unstable people: The Citizens (Emotions) riot frequently, and the government can’t restore order.
🔹 How This Helps:
Instead of judging people, you can see what’s happening in their city.
If someone is acting irrationally, it’s probably because their city is overloaded, malfunctioning, or neglected—not because they’re bad.
This metaphor helps create compassion without excusing behavior.
Final Thought: The City Is Always in Flux
A city is never “finished.” Roads need repair, policies evolve, citizens go through good and bad times.
Instead of expecting perfect harmony, what if you focused on keeping communication open and responding to what the city needs in the moment?
