🧭 My Relational Orientation

This is the clearest statement of who I am now and what kind of relational space I’m willing to build with someone.

I grew up inside systems that trained me to distrust myself, shrink my emotional world, and perform niceness to stay safe. Patriarchy, white Christianity, capitalism, and family dynamics shaped my early template for connection. My adult life has been dedicated to deconstructing that conditioning and building a self that is grounded, honest, emotionally aware, and not defined by other people’s needs or fragility.

I do not hide that I use AI as part of my thinking. It helps me articulate internal reality with precision and relieves cognitive load. This page was shaped with that help. Anyone in my life should be comfortable with the fact that AI is part of how I process, understand, and communicate.

I practice polyamory as a conscious relational design, not a coping mechanism. I have partners I care about deeply and I am open to forming a nesting or anchor partnership with someone who fits my relational values. I am not looking for a hierarchy where one relationship becomes the center of my identity. I’m looking for a connection that supports autonomy, honesty, and mutual adult development.

🧠 Who I Am in Relationship

🌿 Emotionally expressive, not emotionally performative

I feel deeply and directly. I do not fawn, flirt, or hide my interiority behind coy behaviors. I communicate honestly, including anger, confusion, longing, grief, joy, and desire. If you need emotional management or someone who softens truth for comfort, I am not the right partner.

🔍 Systems oriented

I understand people through the systems that shaped them. Industrialization, colonialism, capitalism, patriarchy, racism, Christian supremacy, family roles. You should be able to engage with reality on that level. This is not intellectual ornamentation. It is the ground we stand on.

⚖️ Non codependent, non hyperindividualist

I seek the middle path. I take responsibility for my emotional world and expect the same from you. I will not carry your mental health. I will not let you carry mine. I want connection that is chosen, not fused.

🤝 Direct communication

If something is wrong, I say it. If something feels good, I say it. If you need constant reassurance, you will need to look to my behavior, not my affective performance. My love language is pragmatism, consistency, and shared life.

🔥 Sexually honest

Sex is meaningful to me and also complicated because of the trauma I carry from religious indoctrination and experiences with men. I want sexual connection rooted in friendship, trust, presence, and reciprocity. I am attracted to men who have done real work dismantling misogyny in themselves and in the world.

I do not do hookups. I do not do performative sexual energy. I want a friend I have sex with who treats intimacy as relational, not as consumption.

🌱 What I Want in a Partner

Not a checklist. These are orientations.

🧠 Self knowing

You know your preferences, dislikes, desires, and boundaries. You do not outsource your sense of self.

🌍 Systemically aware

You understand how patriarchy, capitalism, whiteness, trauma, and culture shaped you. Curiosity is required. Avoidance is not.

🗣 Communicative

You can name emotions honestly, negotiate needs, apologize, repair, and stay present when things get tense.

🤲 Responsible

You clean up your messes. Emotional ones and material ones. I will not mother a man.

⚙️ Polyamory literate

You do not collapse into jealousy, surveillance, or entitlement. You take responsibility for feelings that come up when I have other partners and expect me to do the same.

🧩 Autonomy forward

You have your own life, goals, friends, patterns, and community. You do not need to merge identities to feel connected.

🪟 Relational transparency

You tell the truth. You do not hide desires, judgments, fantasies, fears, or ambivalence. You respect mine even when they make you uncomfortable.

🛠 A builder

You want to co create a relationship consciously. No escalator. No assumptions. No default roles. We negotiate everything with clarity.

🚶‍♂️ A simple human

You like the banal. Cooking, groceries, errands, quiet mornings. You enjoy nature without turning it into achievement. You value slow life over performative productivity.

🏡 What I Want in a Partnership

A partnership that is intentionally designed
A partnership that honors autonomy
A partnership that values honesty over harmony
A partnership that is adult at every level
A partnership that understands conflict as necessary
A partnership that supports each other’s communities
A partnership that cares about the world beyond ourselves
A partnership that is slow, grounded, and rooted in real life

I want to hike together and separately.
I want to share space and also have quiet independence.
I want a relationship where neither person becomes the center of the other’s emotional ecosystem.
I want to build a home in Minnesota with someone who loves the process of shaping a place.

And yes. One day, possibly, a golden retriever.

🧩 A Clarifying Note

If you read this and feel overwhelmed or dazzled or imagine that this is a romantic quest, I am not your person.

The right person will read this and recognize themselves.
Not aspirationally.
Actually.