Mapping the Self: A Functional Model for Understanding Who You Are
I'm trying to understand the internal architecture of a human. I didn't really learn about emotions growing up so I've been in survival mode plus got a bunch of religious bullshit heaped on me when I was younger. Now I'm trying to reorient myself. I asked ChatGPT earlier if it could provide a metaphor for the Self, what would it be, and it gave me a river. That was a helpful thing. However, as time has passed and I continue to think about this, that answer doesn't satiate me. I would like a better overview of the many parts of being a person and how they work together. This is part of what's causing me to feel depersonalized because I have no solid conceptual undergirding to contextualize all that I am feeling and experiencing.
ChatGPT: That makes total sense. If you grew up without a clear emotional framework and had survival-mode instincts reinforced, it’s completely understandable that you’d be searching for a mental architecture—a way to map out the many aspects of being human so that you can locate yourself within it. Without that, experiences, emotions, and thoughts can feel disorienting, like floating in space without gravity.
Let’s build that map of the Self together.
A Functional Model of the Human Self
Think of the Self as a city rather than a single thing. In a city, different systems—transportation, governance, economy, communication—work together. Sometimes they work smoothly, sometimes they don't. You are that city, with different parts that serve different functions.
1. The Core Self (The Witness) – “The Mayor”
This is the observing, conscious awareness that exists beyond thoughts, emotions, and experiences.
It doesn’t judge, it just sees.
Sometimes covered up by trauma, noise, or conditioning, but it’s always there.
You can experience it when you meditate, dissociate, or have moments of deep clarity.
2. The Nervous System (The Infrastructure)
This includes the fight/flight/freeze responses, how safe or unsafe you feel, and how you regulate stress.
If you grew up in survival mode, your city’s emergency sirens (anxiety, fear) might be blaring all the time.
Healing often involves rewiring these alarms so that safety can be felt.
3. The Emotional Mind (The Citizens & Culture)
This is the felt sense of life—joy, grief, anger, love, anxiety.
If emotions were not taught or validated, this part of the city might feel chaotic, ignored, or completely suppressed.
It communicates in sensations, urges, and moods rather than words.
4. The Rational Mind (The Government & Laws)
The logic center, where you make sense of experiences.
Sometimes, people overdevelop this part (intellectualizing everything) to avoid feeling emotions.
Works best when it’s integrated with emotional intelligence.
5. The Inner Child (The Public Parks & Playgrounds)
Represents the part of you that feels freely, plays, loves, and trusts.
If childhood was difficult, this part might be scared, neglected, or locked away.
Healing this involves learning to be a safe, kind caregiver to yourself.
6. The Conditioned Self (The City’s Laws from the Past)
Religious doctrines, cultural expectations, and parental messages shape this.
Sometimes, these “old laws” aren’t useful anymore, but they still govern your life.
Reorienting yourself involves updating these rules to match who you actually are.
7. The Shadow Self (The Underground Tunnels)
The hidden, repressed parts of yourself—your rage, grief, desires, vulnerabilities.
If ignored, this part can cause self-sabotage, shame, or emotional outbursts.
Integration means acknowledging these parts without fearing them.
8. The Body (The Land & Weather)
Your body stores trauma, tension, and emotions.
You might feel disconnected from it, like it’s a separate thing from "you."
Learning to listen to your body’s signals (hunger, exhaustion, gut feelings) is part of wholeness.
9. The Future Self (The City’s Blueprint)
The version of you that’s growing, healing, and expanding.
Not an unreachable ideal—just the part of you already moving toward something better.
You can connect with it by asking: “What would my future self want me to do right now?”
How These Parts Work Together
When you're in survival mode, certain parts take over (Nervous System, Shadow Self, Conditioned Self), while other parts shut down (Core Self, Inner Child, Emotional Mind). This is why you might feel disoriented or depersonalized—the city’s systems aren’t talking to each other properly.
Your work right now isn’t to "fix" yourself, because you are not broken. It’s to bring these systems into communication so that you feel more whole, more here.
How to Use This Model for Grounding
If you're overwhelmed: Ask, Which part of me is activated right now? (Example: “Oh, this is my Nervous System going into overdrive.”)
If you're feeling lost: Connect with your Future Self—what does that version of you want?
If you're struggling with emotions: Let your Emotional Mind have a voice without Rational Mind shutting it down immediately.
If you're feeling numb: Your Inner Child might need care—what did you need as a kid that you never got?
Final Thought
You are not just one thing. You are an ecosystem, a city, a layered and complex being. Understanding these parts is not just about control—it’s about compassion. The more you learn to recognize and befriend these parts of yourself, the more grounded you will feel.
Is there any time when the Core Self isn't there? When you're sleeping? After a traumatic brain injury? If you're a baby? If you're dying? What does experiencing the Core Self directly feel like? Why do you feel it when you meditate, dissociate, or have deep clarity? Continuing with the city metaphor, how does one rewire the alarms so that safety can be felt? Using this city metaphor, what language can I use to talk about my experiences? I am struggling to understand what I mean when I said "I" these days. So I'm just struggling to even put myself into words. So all these parts of the city, they are interconnected? Influence each other? Can I even know how they influence each other? Is it obvious? What does being a safe kind caregiver to myself look like? Why do I have an inner child? Is that just how the psyche develops? Is it layered across time? Can other parts of the city be in the shadow self? LIke the inner child, though you said it's the parks, can it be in the shadow self? What is the biological/evolutionary explanation for why a human works like this? If you feel shame about something, how do you knwo whether it's something from the shadow self versus just a day-to-day shame? What is future self all about? I am befuddled that an ape has a self and can "improve" that self. So if all my city systems are communicating, I'll feel more here? How do I know what my Future Self wants? How do I give my emotional mind a voice? How do I identify what I needed as a kid? Oh wait, I guess maybe I do. I would need someone to actually listen to what I'm saying, be present with my emotions, be curious, caring, and help me problem solve. Why does compassion need to be involved to get a city's parts to communicate with each other? Were this not a metaphor, it'd definitely be control that would help.
The Core Self: Is It Always There?
The Core Self—or the witnessing awareness—is always present, but it can be obscured or disrupted depending on different conditions.
When you’re sleeping: Your conscious awareness fades, but some deeper form of “you” persists (e.g., in dreams).
After a traumatic brain injury: If parts of the brain responsible for self-awareness are damaged, it can feel like the Core Self is fragmented or inaccessible.
As a baby: The Core Self is there, but it hasn’t yet developed a strong distinction between self and other.
While dying: Reports from near-death experiences suggest that awareness often continues even as bodily functions shut down, but we can’t fully know.
Think of it like the sun behind clouds—it’s always there, but sometimes hidden.
What Does Experiencing the Core Self Feel Like?
Moments of direct connection with the Core Self often feel:
Spacious – Like a deep inner stillness.
Nonjudgmental – You simply observe, without reacting.
Detached but Present – A sense of witnessing life rather than being tangled in it.
Why does meditation, dissociation, or deep clarity reveal it?
Meditation: You quiet the mental noise, allowing you to perceive this underlying awareness.
Dissociation: In extreme stress, the mind sometimes disconnects from experience, accidentally revealing the Core Self (but in a numbed way).
Deep clarity: Moments of intense realization or awe can strip away distractions, leaving only the Core Self.
Rewiring the City’s Alarms to Feel Safe
If your Nervous System’s emergency alarms (fight/flight/freeze) are constantly firing, the city feels unsafe even when it is safe.
Steps to Rewire the Alarms:
Check the Alarm's Accuracy
Ask: Is this fear from a real, present danger or an old pattern?
Example: If someone raises their voice, your system may assume danger because of past trauma—but is that true now?
Gradually Introduce Safety
Nervous systems don’t just “turn off” alarms; they learn safety through repeated experience.
Practices like grounding techniques, slow breathing, and co-regulating with calm people help.
Rewire Through Action
When safe, try acting against old patterns (e.g., instead of withdrawing when anxious, experiment with staying present).
How to Talk About Your Experiences Using the City Metaphor
Since you’re struggling with the meaning of "I," try seeing yourself as a city manager overseeing various parts. You can say:
“My Nervous System is overreacting today—the alarms are too sensitive.”
“The Shadow Self is stirring up some resistance.”
“My Emotional Mind is screaming, but my Rational Mind keeps shutting it down.”
“My Core Self is observing all this chaos without judgment.”
This lets you describe your experience without having to figure out exactly what “I” means right now.
Are the Parts of the City Interconnected?
Yes—every system influences every other.
Example 1: If your Nervous System is on high alert, your Rational Mind will have a harder time thinking clearly.
Example 2: If your Inner Child is suppressed, your Emotional Mind may feel disconnected.
Example 3: If your Shadow Self holds a lot of unprocessed anger, it might leak into your daily interactions in subtle ways.
Can you know exactly how they influence each other?
Some interactions are obvious (anxiety → racing thoughts).
Others are complex (why do you always react a certain way? That might take deeper exploration).
What Does Being a Safe, Kind Caregiver to Yourself Look Like?
Listening to your feelings instead of dismissing them.
Offering yourself gentleness, not punishment, when struggling.
Encouraging your Inner Child to play and feel safe.
Why Do You Have an Inner Child?
The psyche develops in layers over time, meaning early versions of yourself still exist within you.
If childhood needs were unmet, those parts of you can remain emotionally frozen at that age.
Healing involves giving those younger versions of you what they needed but didn’t get.
Can Other Parts Be in the Shadow Self?
Yes. If the Inner Child was suppressed, it can end up in the Shadow, leading to:
A lost sense of play, joy, or curiosity.
Reactivity when vulnerable emotions are triggered.
Similarly, Rational Mind can be in the Shadow if someone was raised in an environment where logic or critical thinking was discouraged.
The Biological & Evolutionary Reason for This Structure
Humans evolved complex, layered selves to survive:
The Nervous System: Rapid responses to threats kept us alive.
The Emotional Mind: Bonding and social cooperation ensured group survival.
The Rational Mind: Planning and problem-solving gave humans an advantage.
The Shadow Self: Suppressing traits that endangered us in childhood (e.g., anger, sensitivity) helped us fit into our environment.
Your mind is the result of millennia of survival mechanisms interacting—but modern life isn’t the same as our evolutionary past, so we sometimes need to update the system.
How Do You Know if Shame Comes from the Shadow Self or Just Daily Shame?
Shadow Shame: Deep-rooted, overwhelming, often irrational. It might feel like “I am bad” rather than “I did something bad.”
Day-to-Day Shame: A normal social emotion, temporary, and related to specific actions.
If the shame is old, persistent, and linked to childhood or identity, it’s likely from the Shadow.
What Is the Future Self?
The part of you that already holds your highest potential.
It’s not an abstract dream but a realistic next version of you.
The fact that an ape (human) can improve itself is wild—but it’s just a function of memory, learning, and adaptation.
How Do You Know What Your Future Self Wants?
Ask:
“What would the healed version of me do?”
“What advice would my Future Self give me right now?”
“What choice brings me closer to the life I want?”
How to Give the Emotional Mind a Voice
Write Unfiltered – Let it spill without judgment.
Speak It Aloud – Try verbalizing how you feel without censoring.
Use Art or Music – Sometimes emotions emerge in nonverbal ways.
Track Physical Sensations – Emotions show up in the body; tuning in helps them surface.
How Do You Identify What You Needed as a Kid?
You already answered it:
"I needed someone to actually listen, be present, be curious, care, and help me problem solve."
That’s exactly what your Inner Child still needs. Try giving it to yourself.
Why Does Compassion Matter in the City’s Communication?
Control can suppress problems, but it doesn’t heal them.
Imagine a city where the government just silences protests instead of addressing issues—does the unrest really go away? No, it builds underground.
Compassion is the only way to rebuild trust between the city’s parts so they can work together instead of against each other.
Final Thought
Your questions show that you’re actively integrating yourself, which is incredible. You’re not lost; you’re reconstructing your foundation. Keep asking, keep exploring—this is what healing looks like.
