Understanding Sexuality Through the City Metaphor: When Desire Feels Distant
Using the city metaphor, what's happening when I'm thinking a lot about wanting / wishing to have sex without the physical sensations and fantasies that accompany it? I know I use to find sex pleasurable to some extent and I want to feel that again and it's hard because of the depersonalization but I want to have sex so I can become aware of what's reacting inside of me and getting practice at being in my body. And I guess, overall, how does sexuality fit into the city metaphor? I know that sex is a lot about the body and connection, so you said the body is the weather, right? and that social connection would be the people? Did I get that right? Or do you have a different take? How can you tell the difference (in the city) between Executive Dysfunction and depression? You said "are the emergency sirens blaring for no reason". Could my emergency sirens really be blaring for no reason? there's gotta be a reason even if it's from the conditioned self, right? I struggle to conceptualize the inner child part of this. What it stands for, how to identify it within myself. Same with the shadow. Could this metaphor also work for a house? I have a house and was just wondering if it could apply, it would make it immediately personal to me.
ChatGPT:What’s Happening in the City When You’re Thinking a Lot About Wanting Sex but Without Physical Sensations or Fantasies?
It sounds like your Desire Department (sexuality) is open for business on a conceptual level, but the actual citizens (body, emotions) haven’t shown up yet.
Possible Reasons for This Disconnect:
The City Government (Rational Mind) Wants to Engage, But the Citizens (Emotional & Physical Mind) Aren’t Responding
The idea of sex is there (intellectualized desire), but the body and emotions aren’t showing up.
It’s like the city announcing a festival, but no one comes out to celebrate.
The Weather System (Body Awareness) is Muted
If depersonalization is present, the body may not be registering sensation properly.
It’s like foggy weather blocking the sun—you know it’s supposed to be warm, but you can’t feel it yet.
The City’s Social & Sensory Systems Are Out of Sync
Sexuality is a mix of physical sensations (weather), emotional connection (citizens), and personal meaning (culture of the city).
If one of these isn’t engaging, it’s like a disconnect in the city’s transportation system—messages aren’t getting where they need to go.
🔹 Your Intentions Make Sense
Wanting to use sex as a way to reconnect with your body is like wanting to host an event in the city to get people back into the streets.
The challenge is gently coaxing the citizens (your body and emotions) to return, instead of forcing them before they’re ready.
Where Does Sexuality Fit in the City?
You were on the right track with your interpretation! Here's a refined version:
The Weather & Land = The Body & Physical Sensations
If the city is foggy (depersonalization), it can be hard to feel touch, arousal, or pleasure.
The Citizens & Culture = Emotional Connection & Social Bonding
Sexuality isn’t just mechanical—it involves interpersonal energy, intimacy, and how the city views relationships.
The City's Festivals & Energy Grid = Desire & Attraction
When a city is thriving, it naturally hosts events, celebrations, and people connect freely.
If the energy grid is down (fatigue, emotional disconnection), the festival (sexual desire) might not get off the ground.
🔹 How to Rebuild Sexual Awareness in the City:
Start with small, sensory experiences—not necessarily sexual, just pleasurable touch, warmth, or movement.
Try engaging emotionally before physically—remind the city why it wants to celebrate before hosting the festival.
How to Tell the Difference Between Executive Dysfunction & Depression in the City
They look similar, but they come from different city-wide issues:
🚦 Executive Dysfunction = A Broken Traffic Light System
The city wants to move, but the signals aren’t working.
The intention is there ("I want to do this"), but the roads stay jammed.
It’s frustrating because the energy exists but can’t flow properly.
🔹 Signs of Executive Dysfunction in Daily Life:
You want to do the thing but can’t get started.
It feels like being stuck at a red light forever.
When you do get moving, it feels fine, but getting started is the hard part.
⛔ Depression = The Whole City’s Power Grid is Low
The city doesn’t just have traffic jams—it lacks the energy to function at all.
It’s not that the city wants to move but can’t—it doesn’t even see the point.
The energy grid isn’t running, and everything feels muted or gray.
🔹 Signs of Depression in Daily Life:
Even if you forced yourself to do the thing, it wouldn’t feel meaningful.
There's no motivation because nothing feels rewarding.
Instead of stuck traffic, it's like a city in a blackout—everything is low energy.
🔹 Why This Difference Matters:
Executive Dysfunction solutions = Break things into smaller steps, use external cues, change the traffic patterns to get started.
Depression solutions = Reignite the power grid (pleasure, connection, novelty, movement) before expecting action.
Can the Emergency Sirens Ever Truly Be “for No Reason”?
Technically, no—there’s always a reason. But the reason may no longer be relevant.
🔹 Example: A City with Outdated Alarm Systems
The sirens were installed decades ago to warn against attacks that no longer happen.
But the alarms never got updated, so they still go off every time a shadow moves.
🔹 In Human Terms:
Maybe your Conditioned Self absorbed old fears, rules, or trauma responses that aren’t useful anymore.
Your Nervous System still acts like danger is present, even when it’s not.
🔹 What to Do About It?
Instead of believing the alarm every time it rings, check the City Watchtower (Core Self) and ask:
“Is there actually a fire, or is this an old alarm?”
The alarms aren’t lying—they just haven’t been updated yet.
Struggling to Conceptualize the Inner Child & Shadow Self?
You’re not alone—these concepts can feel abstract. Let’s place them inside the city:
🏞 The Inner Child = The City’s Playgrounds & Old Neighborhoods
The part of you that remembers innocence, wonder, and raw emotion.
It holds both joyful memories and wounds from the past.
If neglected, the playgrounds become abandoned or overgrown with weeds.
🔹 How to Recognize the Inner Child in You:
When you feel a pure, instinctual emotion (joy, grief, curiosity, fear).
When old memories suddenly surface and bring strong feelings.
When a part of you wants to play, rest, or be nurtured.
🕳 The Shadow Self = The City’s Underground Tunnels & Hidden History
Parts of you that were repressed or denied for survival.
It contains fears, shame, desires, anger, and anything that wasn’t allowed to exist openly.
If left ignored, it seeps into daily life in strange ways (self-sabotage, unexpected emotional outbursts).
🔹 How to Recognize the Shadow in You:
When you react strongly to something but don’t fully know why.
When certain emotions feel shameful or dangerous to express.
When you catch yourself avoiding something that actually matters to you.
🔹 Healing the Inner Child & Shadow Means:
Revisiting the playgrounds—letting yourself feel & play again.
Exploring the tunnels—not being afraid of what was buried.
Could This Work as a House Metaphor Instead of a City?
Absolutely! If a house feels more personal to you, you can map the same systems onto it:
The Core Self = The Foundation of the House (Always there, supporting everything).
The Rational Mind = The Blueprints & Home Office (Planning & organizing life).
The Emotional Mind = The Living Spaces (Where feelings happen—warmth, joy, tension).
The Nervous System = The Electrical & Plumbing Systems (Automatic, running in the background).
The Inner Child = The Playroom or Old Bedrooms (Holding memories & needs).
The Shadow Self = The Basement or Attic (Storing the hidden, unexamined parts).
🔹 Benefit of Using a House Instead of a City?
A house is more personal and intimate—you can visualize your own home in this framework.
If a city feels too big or impersonal, a house makes it cozier and more direct.
Final Thought: What If Your House (or City) is Under Renovation?
Right now, it sounds like you’re rebuilding things from the ground up. Some rooms (parts of yourself) might feel unfamiliar or under construction.
That’s okay—cities & houses evolve over time. The important part is keeping the doors open and exploring each space with curiosity.
Say more about body awareness being muted in depersonalization, using the city metaphor. Say more about what is happening in the city when I learn about Self as City, observe what's happening with me as parts of the city, and then observe that I observed it. That metacognition. It makes is really hard to do anything without feeling like I'm being watched, supervised. What is city culture? Say more about that. Say more about what the transporation system is? Is that just internal communication? What's going on in my city when I have waves of despair next to waves of insight, when I realize how long it's taken me to put together my mind to this extent after doing shrooms in 2020? That's emotion right? But it's not shadow self... I find this city metaphor to be the most helpful framework I've come across yet. This is great - thank you. As expected, I feel a desire to translate this into artistic expression to further cement into my mind the framework and elements. Do you have a suggestion for what I could create to visually reinforce this? In the city framework, how would you describe binge eating? Craving sugar, etc.? YOu talk about letting myself play again. I don't really know what you mean by that other than barbies.
Body Awareness Being Muted in Depersonalization – The City’s Weather System Malfunctioning
In a well-functioning city, weather and sensory experiences influence life naturally. People feel the sun’s warmth, hear rain, and adjust their clothing based on the temperature.
But in depersonalization, the weather system malfunctions:
The sky is covered in thick smog or fog → The warmth of sensation doesn’t reach the citizens.
Temperature controls are stuck on neutral → You can tell intellectually that something should feel good, painful, or pleasant, but it doesn’t register in the body the same way.
Citizens (emotions & body awareness) stay indoors → Since the city’s weather system isn’t reliable, people stop paying attention to it.
🔹 How to Clear the Fog?
Re-engage the senses in simple ways (texture, warmth, music, touch).
Movement-based awareness—noticing what it feels like to walk, stretch, touch fabric.
Patience—weather systems don’t clear overnight, but small moments of sensory engagement help reboot it.
What’s Happening When You Observe That You Observed? (Metacognition Overload)
Your city is watching itself too much—instead of people living their lives, they’re all standing around filming everything for an endless documentary.
The City is Too Self-Conscious
Every action feels supervised—not because it actually is, but because the city keeps checking its own reflection instead of just existing.
It's like a city obsessed with security cameras, analyzing every movement.
This Creates Paralysis
The city’s workers don’t know if they should build anything because they feel like they’re being judged.
You want to engage with life, but every action feels observed, analyzed, or like it “means” something.
🔹 Solution:
Instead of trying to escape metacognition, try leaning into direct experience.
Ask: “What if I do this without thinking about what it means?”
Try small, low-stakes actions where the city can just exist without being filmed.
What is City Culture?
City Culture is the set of shared values, beliefs, and norms that shape how the city operates.
It includes:
How emotions are expressed → Is it a repressed city, or do people freely engage?
What’s considered “acceptable” behavior? → Does the city allow self-expression, or is it strict and rule-bound?
How does the city handle relationships & intimacy? → Is it open to connection, or does it keep citizens apart?
🔹 How It Affects You:
If you grew up in a city (family/culture) that suppressed emotions, your inner city might still follow those old laws even if they no longer serve you.
Changing city culture means rewriting the unspoken rules that dictate how you live and feel.
What is the Transportation System in the City?
The Transportation System is how different parts of you communicate and move information.
It includes:
Internal communication (between emotions, logic, body).
The ability to transition between states (from thinking to action, from rest to movement).
The connection between intention and execution (wanting to do something vs. actually doing it).
🔹 When Transportation Breaks Down:
Executive Dysfunction → The highways are clogged, and nothing moves.
Dissociation → The roads exist, but no one’s using them.
Emotional Bottlenecks → Certain areas of the city can’t reach others.
🔹 How to Improve It?
Better infrastructure (practice small transitions) → Ex: If starting tasks is hard, practice transitioning with tiny actions.
Reduce mental roadblocks → Remove excess mental steps stopping you from moving forward.
Waves of Despair Next to Waves of Insight – The City’s Emotional Landscape
You’re experiencing rapid shifts in terrain:
Mountains of Insight
When clarity hits, it feels like you’re standing on a high peak, seeing everything clearly.
These moments make you feel connected, aware, and alive.
Valleys of Despair
The moment you descend from insight, you realize how much work it took to get there.
You grieve the time spent feeling lost.
🔹 Why This Happens?
The city is in a period of rapid development—new knowledge arrives, but the emotional landscape hasn’t fully caught up yet.
Grief is part of integrating insight—you mourn the past versions of yourself who didn’t have this clarity.
🔹 How to Handle It?
Let both landscapes exist—you don’t need to stay in the mountains OR the valleys forever.
When you feel despair, remind yourself that the mountains still exist, even if you’re not on them at the moment.
What Could You Create Visually to Reinforce This City Metaphor?
🔹 Ideas for Artistic Expression:
A map of your city – Draw, paint, or digitally illustrate your city with neighborhoods that represent different parts of you.
A city skyline with changing weather – Show different mental states through the city’s environment.
A visual journal where you sketch different “departments” of your city each day – One day you explore “The Department of Overthinking,” the next “The Shadow District.”
A house blueprint with labeled rooms for different aspects of your mind.
The more personal and symbolic it feels, the more it will reinforce the framework.
Binge Eating & Craving Sugar in the City
Binge eating is like a city trying to quickly fill empty spaces:
The City’s Energy Grid is Malfunctioning
Food (especially sugar) gives a quick energy boost when the city feels drained.
It’s like overloading the power grid to compensate for a deeper issue.
Emotional Citizens are Unheard
If deeper needs (comfort, connection, rest) aren’t met, the city rushes to food as an emergency fix.
Sugar becomes a fast way to flood the streets with temporary joy.
🔹 How to Shift This?
Instead of fighting cravings, ask: “What is my city actually hungry for?”
If binge eating is about soothing emotions, try feeding the emotional citizens directly instead of just patching the grid with sugar.
What Does It Mean to “Let Yourself Play Again”?
Play means engaging in activities for the sake of joy, exploration, and curiosity, without a goal or outcome.
🔹 Your city’s Playgrounds are wherever you can:
Follow curiosity without pressure.
Engage in activities that feel light, spontaneous, or experimental.
Let go of productivity and just experience something for fun.
🔹 Not Sure What Play Looks Like for You? Try:
Listening to music without analyzing it—just feeling it.
Drawing or writing with no purpose other than expression.
Moving your body in ways that don’t feel like “exercise” but like play (dance, stretching, exploring movement).
Revisiting things you liked as a kid (even if it’s Barbies, it still counts!)
🔹 Why This Matters?
If the city never plays, it becomes all work and maintenance.
Play restores energy, allows creativity, and keeps the city feeling alive.
Final Thought: The City is a Living, Breathing Place
You’re not just analyzing the city—you’re living in it. It’s okay to pause urban planning and just walk the streets sometimes.
Your instinct to turn this into art, symbolism, and exploration is a sign that your city is starting to come alive in a new way.
