Learning to Untangle Fear from Bias
<<There are black men on my street shouting loudly. It is not dangerous but my brain and body seem scared. But I spin cuz I feel like my reaction is racist. I have a hard time telling what is dangerous and what isn't because of my fear of being racist.>>
You’re not alone in this. What you're experiencing is a result of growing up in a culture where race, safety, and fear have been deeply intertwined—often in insidious and unspoken ways. Let’s break this down to separate your gut instincts from the inherited noise.
1. Your Body's Alarm System Was Conditioned
Your nervous system likely didn’t develop in a vacuum. If your upbringing or media exposure repeatedly associated loudness, Blackness, and maleness with danger, your body might be reacting based on pattern recognition—not lived truth. That doesn’t mean you’re consciously racist. It means your nervous system has been fed a racist script.
Your body is reacting to a cue that was framed for you, not necessarily to an actual threat.
2. The Shame Spiral Isn't Helping You See Clearly
You’re trying to assess whether something is actually dangerous and evaluate whether your fear is racist at the same time. That’s a mental double bind. Of course you feel spun out. It’s like trying to drive a car while constantly checking if you're a bad driver—eventually you stop seeing the road.
3. Try This: Separate the Feelings from the Facts
Ask two different questions in sequence:
“What do I notice in my body?” (Heart rate, muscle tension, urge to flee)
“What is actually happening?” (People talking loudly. That’s it.)
Then a third:
3. “What do I know about loudness, Blackness, and safety?” (What have I been taught? What do I actually believe?)
This exercise makes space between your reaction and your judgment of the reaction. You can start to see your fear as a conditioned response—not an ethical failing.
4. Consider This a Step in Deprogramming
By even questioning your response, you are doing anti-racist work. Most people never get that far. The discomfort you're sitting in? That’s the detox. Not the disease.
5. You're Not Wrong to Be Cautious About Safety
Wanting to feel safe on your street is valid. The work is learning how to notice when your brain shortcuts “loud” to “unsafe,” especially when race is part of the scene. You don’t have to throw out caution—you just have to get sharper at identifying when it’s coming from reality versus indoctrination.
