Rediscovering Rituals: How Ancient Practices Can Shape Modern Emotional Life
Why do we do rituals and stuff? Like, what came first, the emotion or the ritual?I'm reading about all these things that our ancient cultures used to do to process different feelings or to physically express themselves, and I'm sitting here just wondering what the hell do I do for any of these things? I don't even know where to start. Is there something that I'm missing? What do I need? Do I need some rituals for my emotions? If so, what would be a modern take on that that isn't based in Wu or cultural appropriation?
ChatGPT: Why Do We Do Rituals? Emotion or Ritual—Which Came First?
Rituals are humanity’s oldest psychological technology—we’ve always used them to structure emotions, transitions, and the unknown. But did emotion create ritual, or did ritual create emotion? The likely answer is: both.
Emotions came first, because feelings are hardwired into us for survival. We’ve always needed ways to process fear, grief, joy, and uncertainty.
Rituals emerged as tools to help us handle those emotions in structured, repeatable ways. They provided a sense of control, meaning, and communal bonding.
Why Are Rituals So Powerful?
They give form to the formless. When we grieve, celebrate, or transition between phases of life, rituals act as a bridge between what was and what’s next.
They engage the body, not just the mind. Unlike modern therapy (which is largely verbal), ancient rituals used movement, sound, breath, art, and touch to fully process emotions.
They create a social container. Shared rituals make emotions feel valid, held, and meaningful, rather than something to manage alone.
They externalize emotion. Instead of emotions just happening inside you, rituals let you put them outside yourself through symbolic action.
So… Do You Need Rituals for Your Emotions?
Yes—because we all do. You’re noticing the absence of something that humans have relied on for thousands of years. Modern life has largely stripped away the embodied, communal, and symbolic processing of emotions, leaving people to intellectualize their feelings rather than experience them fully.
Right now, you’re reading about all these ancient ways humans engaged with emotions, and you’re sitting there wondering: "Okay, but what the hell do I do?" That’s a valid and very modern question. You feel the lack of something, but you don’t have a built-in framework to replace it.
The good news? You get to create your own.
A Modern, Non-Woo, Non-Culturally-Appropriative Approach to Ritual
If you want to integrate ritual into your life without it feeling fake, forced, or stolen, here’s how to approach it:
1. Identify the Emotional Needs You Want Rituals For
Think about what emotions or transitions in life feel unstructured for you. Common ones include:
Processing grief or loss
Marking the end of something (relationships, jobs, life chapters)
Inviting in creativity or focus
Letting go of stress or emotional buildup
Releasing anger in a productive way
Celebrating personal achievements
Grounding yourself in presence
If something feels unfinished, chaotic, or stuck in your emotional life, that’s where a ritual could help.
2. Look at What Already Works for You
You probably already have small rituals, even if you don’t call them that. Do you:
Always take a walk when you need to clear your head?
Play a certain song when you want to feel something deeply?
Need to move your body when you're overwhelmed?
Write things down to process emotions?
These are proto-rituals—things you intuitively do to regulate your emotions. You can build on these.
3. Design Your Own Rituals (Without the Woo)
The key is to make rituals practical, intentional, and embodied—not mystical or performative.
Some modern takes on ancient emotional rituals:
Ritual for Letting Go of a Thought/Feeling
Write it down. Burn it. Shred it. Crumple it and stomp on it.
The key: Making it physical helps externalize it from your mind.
Ritual for Processing Anger Without Stuffing It Down
Grab a towel and twist the hell out of it while breathing deeply.
Go to an empty space and yell into a pillow.
Take a kickboxing class or punch something safely.
The key: Anger is physical. You can’t think your way through it—you have to move it out.
Ritual for Transitioning Between Life Phases
Change something physical—your space, your clothes, your hair.
Take a long drive or walk with music that marks the shift.
Symbolically "close" the last chapter (store old items, change routines).
The key: Transitions need physical markers or they don’t feel real.
Ritual for Connecting to Your Body When You Feel Detached
Lay on the floor and breathe into your stomach for 2 minutes.
Use a textured object (like a rock, cloth, or ice cube) and focus only on how it feels in your hands.
The key: Your body is real. Your thoughts may feel chaotic, but your body is always here.
Ritual for Creativity or Focus
Light a candle before writing/drawing/working.
Always drink a specific tea before starting deep work.
Put on the same song or playlist when you need flow state.
The key: Rituals prime your brain for certain modes of thinking.
Ritual for Grieving Without Getting Stuck in It
Have a "grief container" (a journal, a box for notes, a specific playlist) where you allow yourself to grieve in a structured way.
Set a time (10 minutes, an hour) to fully feel it—then shift activities.
Go to a specific place that "holds" your grief when you need to engage with it (a park, a chair, a certain song).
The key: Grief needs a space to exist so it doesn’t flood everything else.
4. Make It Yours
Rituals only work if they feel authentic. If something feels dumb, tweak it. If something clicks, lean into it.
If you need movement, focus on physical rituals.
If you need quiet reflection, use writing or symbolic acts.
If you need external structure, tie rituals to time-based habits.
What You Might Be Missing
Right now, you might feel lost because modern life doesn’t provide these kinds of rituals for you. We don’t have communal rites of passage. We don’t have structured ways to process big emotions. So, unless you were raised with a deep cultural tradition of ritual, you’re left floating, trying to process things entirely in your head—which is not how humans are built.
You’re not broken for feeling like you don’t know where to start. You’re just not living in a world that hands you the tools you need.
But the fact that you’re noticing this? That means you can start building those tools for yourself.
Does this feel like something that could help fill that missing piece? Or is there a specific emotion or experience where you feel most stuck?
How do I know if I need an emotional ritual and how do I come up with one? Also I had no idea I needed rituals. What other things do humans need that I may not know about because of modern society? I want to give my humanity the best chance it can have and tend to it
How Do You Know If You Need an Emotional Ritual?
You likely need a ritual when:
You feel stuck in an emotion or thought loop.
If you keep re-experiencing the same grief, stress, or self-doubt without resolution, a ritual can give that feeling a container so it doesn’t just swirl endlessly.
You have an emotional experience that feels unfinished or unmarked.
Example: You go through a breakup, quit a job, or lose a friendship, and instead of feeling a sense of closure, you just feel unmoored. Rituals help mark endings and new beginnings.
You struggle with emotional transitions.
Moving from work mode to personal time, from waking to sleeping, or from a tense mood to relaxation can be hard. Rituals act as mental "bridges."
Your emotions feel too abstract or hard to process.
If feelings are floating but you don’t know what to do with them, a physical action can make them real enough to engage with.
You feel disconnected from yourself.
If you feel out of sync, detached, or unclear about what’s happening internally, a ritual can help you re-enter your body and mind in an intentional way.
How Do You Come Up With a Ritual?
Think of a ritual as a deliberate, structured action that matches the emotion you need to process.
Identify the emotion or transition you need help with.
Do you need to let go of something?
Do you need to honor something?
Do you need grounding?
Decide how you naturally process things best.
Do you need movement? (Walking, stretching, dancing, physical actions)
Do you need symbols? (Writing, burning, water, objects)
Do you need sound? (Music, chanting, guided reflection)
Do you need sensory input? (Warmth, touch, scent, nature)
Pair the emotion with an action that externalizes it.
Grief ritual → Create a "grief container" (an object, song, journal) where you visit the feeling in a structured way.
Letting go ritual → Write a thought down and physically destroy it (burning, ripping, water release).
Grounding ritual → Hold something textured while deep breathing, lay on the floor, or immerse in water.
Transition ritual → Light a candle before and after deep work, change clothing, wash your hands intentionally.
Make it repeatable, but not rigid.
It should feel meaningful, not like homework. If it stops working, tweak it.
What Else Might You Be Missing Because of Modern Society?
Western modernity has stripped away a lot of what humans fundamentally need. If you want to tend to your humanity, these are key areas to look at:
1. Deep, Unstructured Rest
True rest is not just sleep—it’s time when you aren’t consuming, producing, or numbing.
Many of us only rest in distraction (TV, scrolling), but humans need empty space where thoughts can settle rather than be constantly stimulated.
2. Communal Processing of Emotions
In many traditional societies, people don’t process emotions alone—they do it through shared storytelling, rituals, or body-based expression (dance, drumming, movement).
If you’ve been trying to "fix yourself" internally, you may need more human mirroring to metabolize emotions.
3. Meaningful Physical Contact
In modern society, physical touch has been severely reduced outside of romantic relationships.
Humans need non-sexual touch (hugging, casual hand-holding, brushing hair, resting against others) to regulate our nervous systems.
4. Non-Distracted Sensory Input
Modern life overstimulates our minds while numbing our physical bodies.
Our ancestors regularly engaged in sensory-focused activities (walking barefoot, working with hands, smelling herbs, deep listening).
To counterbalance this, engage in single-sense focus:
Eat without screens.
Touch different textures mindfully.
Listen to a song without multitasking.
5. Seasonal & Life-Stage Marking
Many cultures had rites of passage (coming of age, menopause, elderhood). Now, we just age without intentional transitions.
Even marking the change of seasons with small actions (different meals, walks, reflections) helps ground you in time.
6. Cyclical Living (Instead of Linear Productivity)
We are not machines, but modern society treats us as if we can work at the same pace year-round.
If you feel exhausted, it’s not just you—it’s unnatural to function at full capacity all the time.
Honoring natural cycles (daily energy waves, menstrual cycles, seasons, rest-work rhythms) helps counterbalance burnout.
7. Processing Mortality & Existential Reality
Many cultures regularly engaged with death and impermanence (ancestor veneration, Day of the Dead, death meditations).
Modern life hides death from us, making it terrifying. Confronting mortality directly (e.g., reading about death, visiting graveyards, acknowledging impermanence) actually lowers existential fear over time.
8. Play & Absurdity for Emotional Resilience
Many ancient cultures had ritualized foolishness (clown figures, trickster myths, chaotic festivals).
Play, silliness, and absurdity help process deep emotional material and prevent rigidity.
Adults often forget this—we take ourselves too seriously. Seeking nonsense, play, or ridiculous humor is a legitimate need.
How to Start Tending to Your Humanity
Instead of overwhelming yourself with all of this, pick one of the above areas that resonates most.
If you feel disconnected from your emotions → Experiment with emotional rituals.
If you feel trapped in productivity → Build in intentional rest that isn’t just "vegging out."
If you feel emotionally isolated → Engage in more communal processing (talking, sharing, creative expression).
If you feel numbed out → Try single-sense engagement (touch, sound, taste without multitasking).
If you feel existentially lost → Find ways to engage with impermanence or life-stage marking.
Does This Spark Anything for You?
I love that you’re asking these questions—because they get at what it means to be fully human.
