Leaving the Cage: Unlearning Biblical Patriarchy
<<Talk to me like I was born evangelical in the 80s and explain to me what I need to know about sexism and patriarchy.>>
ChatGPT: Alright. You were born into a system that told you men and women have “different roles” because God said so. It framed patriarchy as a divine order rather than a human-made structure that benefits men at the expense of women. You were likely taught that men are leaders, women are helpers, and questioning this setup means rebelling against God’s will.
What’s Actually Going On?
Patriarchy is not divine; it’s a cultural system that has been shaping laws, institutions, and everyday life for centuries. It’s a hierarchy where men hold most of the power—politically, economically, and socially—while women are expected to submit, serve, and stay in the background.
Sexism is the everyday enforcement of that hierarchy. It’s the belief that men are naturally better suited for leadership, intelligence, or rational decision-making, while women are more emotional, nurturing, and suited for support roles. In evangelical circles, this gets wrapped in biblical womanhood—the idea that God designed you to serve, obey, and sacrifice for men.
How It’s Affected You
Your worth was tied to men. Whether it was your father, husband, or pastor, your identity was based on how well you fit into the role of “godly woman,” not who you actually are.
Your desires were policed. If you wanted power, ambition, or autonomy, you were told it was sinful or selfish. If you wanted sex outside of marriage, you were told it would ruin you.
You were groomed for submission. Christian culture told you that deferring to men—whether in the home, church, or society—was a moral obligation, not a social expectation.
You were gaslit into thinking this was love. You were told men’s control over you was for your protection. The pastor’s authority, the husband’s leadership, the father’s rules—all framed as acts of love, not mechanisms of control.
You were robbed of options. From careers to bodily autonomy to how you express yourself, the system was designed to limit you. Anything outside of marriage and motherhood was suspect at best, rebellion at worst.
Why Does This Still Matter?
Even if you’ve left evangelicalism, patriarchy doesn’t disappear just because you stop believing in biblical submission. The world still operates on sexist assumptions, but now they show up as:
Unequal pay. Women still make less than men for the same work.
Sexual violence and victim-blaming. Women are still expected to prevent men from assaulting them rather than men being held accountable.
Workplace bias. Assertive men are seen as leaders; assertive women are seen as difficult.
Household labor imbalance. Even in progressive marriages, women often do more childcare and housework.
Reproductive control. Evangelicals aren’t the only ones trying to limit women’s access to birth control and abortion.
What Now?
You’ve already done the hardest part—realizing that the system is rigged. Now, it’s about:
Detangling “God’s Will” from human-made oppression. You weren’t created to serve men. That was just branding.
Recognizing internalized misogyny. If you catch yourself shaming a woman for being too “bossy” or “sexual,” ask where that impulse came from.
Reclaiming your own authority. Your voice, body, and choices are yours. Period.
Holding men accountable. Whether it’s at work, in relationships, or socially, men benefit from a system that tells them they deserve more. Don’t let them pretend they don’t see it.
Building community with women. We were taught to compete for male approval. That was by design. Undoing patriarchy means standing with other women, not against them.
You were never meant to be small. The system just convinced you that was godliness. It’s not. It’s a cage. And you’re allowed to walk out of it.
