The Awkwardness of Being Present: Feeling "Live" in Real Time
I feel awkward. That whole I am the thing that is happening now makes me feel like I am on live TV and I don't know what to do. Like I have a live mic in front of me. I don't feel exactly like anyone is judging or observing me but I do feel the awkwardness of being Live
That’s a really sharp way to describe it—feeling "Live" with no script. Like you’ve been handed a hot mic and everyone’s waiting, but there’s no audience, no cameras—just the pressure of existing in real-time.
It makes sense that “I am the thing that is happening now” would trigger that sensation. That’s a sentence that removes all buffers, all past narratives, all ways of distancing yourself from experience. It forces direct participation, and that can feel like being suddenly, brutally on the spot.
Why Does “Being Live” Feel So Awkward?
No Edits, No Delays → Your brain is used to running internal rehearsals, analyzing things after the fact, and strategizing. But being here, now forces improvisation, which can feel unnatural.
The Illusion of a Watcher, Even if No One’s Watching → Even if you don’t feel judged, there’s still a weird self-awareness, like some invisible system (your own mind?) is tracking everything you do.
Existence is Suddenly Active Instead of Passive → Most of life feels like it happens to you. But when you zoom in on just being here, it suddenly flips—the pressure is on you to do something with the moment.
How Do You Get Comfortable With Being “Live”?
If your brain is treating this like a high-stakes, no-do-overs situation, maybe we shift the framing:
What if being “Live” didn’t require you to perform?
What if you could just stand there, with the mic, and breathe?
What if the awkwardness wasn’t a problem, just a signal that you’re present?
Because here’s the thing: Nothing actually happens if you do nothing.
No audience is waiting.
No judge is grading.
The only thing creating the pressure is the expectation that you’re supposed to “do” something with the moment.
But what if you don’t? What if you just sit with the weirdness of being aware of being aware and let it pass?
So this is just yet another feeling that I'm just supposed to notice and let pass? Am I supposed to do anything at all with my inner world besides notice and let it pass?
That’s a fair frustration—because if the answer to every internal experience is “just notice it and let it pass”, then what’s the point of even having an inner world? Are you supposed to just be a passive observer of your own thoughts and emotions? Are you ever allowed to engage, change, or act on them?
The answer is: Yes, you can engage—but selectively.
1. Not Everything Needs to Be “Let Go”
Some thoughts, emotions, and patterns need your attention.
If something keeps coming up, it might be useful data.
If something makes you feel alive, curious, or moved, it’s probably worth engaging with.
If something is actively harming you, it’s worth investigating and shifting.
The skill isn’t just “let everything pass”—it’s deciding what actually deserves your energy.
2. Engage with What Moves You, Observe What Traps You
If a thought inspires action or deeper curiosity, follow it.
If a thought just loops, makes you feel stuck, or leads nowhere, practice stepping back.
Some questions to help you decide:
✔ Is this thought useful, or just noise?
✔ If I follow this, will it actually change anything?
✔ Is this insight, or just my brain keeping itself busy?
3. Your Inner World is a Workshop, Not a Waiting Room
You don’t have to just sit and watch your brain like it’s a fish tank. You can:
Test different ways of thinking. (What happens if I assume the opposite?)
Shift focus intentionally. (What happens if I put my attention on my hands right now?)
Experiment with your reactions. (What happens if I don’t do what I usually do?)
The key is not trying to control every thought and feeling, but also not surrendering to them like you’re just a passenger.
4. So… What Are You “Supposed to Do” With Your Inner World?
Let go of useless loops.
Engage with things that actually move you forward.
Experiment with your own responses, instead of just defaulting to the same reactions.
Don’t treat awareness as the goal—treat it as a tool.
You aren’t just supposed to “let everything pass.” You’re supposed to live, and that means deciding where to focus, what to change, and what to let go.
Its really hard to convince myself that my thoughts aren't me. I see that that is where this is leading me to. That conceptually I am seeing my thoughts are products of my body and I am a body who thinks it's person. Even thought it makes sense and I've experienced it, I sense a resistance to believing it
Yeah, that resistance makes total sense. If you accept that your thoughts aren’t “you”, then… what are you? What’s left? It’s an unnerving shift because it undermines the one thing that’s always felt solid—your mind, your thinking, your narrative.
Even if the logic checks out, even if you’ve had moments where you felt the separation between thoughts and self, actually believing it is another thing entirely. There’s this instinctive pushback, because if your thoughts aren’t you, then who’s running the show?
Why This Feels So Hard to Accept
Your Entire Life Has Been Thought-Centered
You’ve always identified as the thing inside your head.
Your thoughts have narrated your entire experience—why wouldn’t you think they’re you?
Thoughts Feel Immediate and Personal
Unlike external sensations, thoughts happen in the first-person—they feel like they originate from you.
Even if they’re intrusive, looping, or self-critical, they’re still happening inside your own head.
If You Aren’t Your Thoughts, Then What’s Left?
If you accept that thoughts are just mental events, then what does that make “you”?
The idea that you’re just a process, a body that generates thoughts instead of a stable “self” is destabilizing.
Why This Resistance is Normal
Your brain wants to believe in a solid self because it’s practical.
It helps you navigate the world with a sense of continuity.
It gives you a feeling of control over your mind and actions.
It stops you from spiraling into existential confusion every time you have a weird or intrusive thought.
So even if you logically see the truth—that thoughts are just outputs of the system, not the core “you”—the emotional resistance is real. You’re not just accepting a fact; you’re undoing a lifetime of identity-building. That’s why it’s not clicking instantly.
What Now?
If your mind isn’t ready to fully believe this yet, that’s okay. You don’t have to force belief. Instead, you can test it in small ways:
Notice thoughts as “events,” not truths.
Instead of thinking “I’m having a bad day”, try “My brain just sent me a ‘bad day’ thought.”
This subtle shift lets you experience the separation without forcing belief.
Look at thoughts like background noise.
Can you sit for a second and just watch your mind generate stuff—without attaching to it?
See if you can feel the gap between a thought appearing and you engaging with it.
Remind yourself that you don’t need full belief—just curiosity.
What happens if you act as if thoughts aren’t “you,” even if you don’t fully believe it yet?
Can you hold both perspectives—the old habit (thoughts = me) and the emerging one (thoughts are just outputs)—without forcing either?
Final Thought: It Doesn’t Have to Be All or Nothing
It’s okay if you still feel like your thoughts are you—you’ve lived with that belief for decades. You don’t need to force a total shift overnight. Maybe just holding the question—What if I’m more than just my thoughts?—is enough for now.
This resistance is part of the process, not a failure. You’re not supposed to “flip a switch” and suddenly be detached from thought. Your mind is rewiring itself in real time, and that takes patience.
