Reclaiming Space in My Own Body: Noticing the Shift from Collapse to Expansion
I feel like my whole life my body has felt really heavy, no matter what size I am. I always feel like I'm sinking, folding over, being pulled down into the ground, and I feel my shoulders always kind of wanting to roll over and in and kind of be in a fetal position. And recently I've found that as I get more familiar with being a human body, I felt more comfortable stretching and I've been stretching my back, arching my back to actually extend my body upwards and up, and it makes everything feel completely more three-dimensional. Is that crazy?
ChatGPT: No, that’s not crazy at all—it actually makes a lot of sense. It sounds like you’ve been living with a deeply ingrained postural pattern, possibly related to tension, emotional holding, or just how your nervous system has been shaped over time. That heavy, sinking, folded-in feeling you describe is incredibly common in people who have spent a lot of their lives in a protective or collapsed posture—whether due to stress, trauma, or just habitual ways of moving (or not moving).
What you’re describing with stretching and arching your back is essentially reclaiming space inside your body. Instead of being collapsed inward, you’re expanding outward. That’s a big shift! It makes total sense that it would feel more three-dimensional because when you’re habitually curled in, your movement is constrained, and your awareness of your back, spine, and upward extension is likely muted. By stretching and consciously lifting, you’re activating muscles that haven't been fully engaged and creating a sense of volume in your body.
Why This Feels So Profound:
Postural Habits & Nervous System – Your body’s tendency to fold inward might be a physical expression of something deeper—an old protective mechanism, whether from stress, fear, or even just spending years sitting, hunching, or feeling guarded.
Gravity vs. Expansion – The more we move in ways that encourage upward extension (lengthening the spine, opening the chest, engaging the core and back muscles), the more we balance out the downward pull of gravity and habitual collapse.
Embodiment & Awareness – The fact that you’re noticing this is huge. Most people don’t even realize how collapsed they feel until they experience expansion. Your ability to articulate the difference shows that you're becoming more embodied in a really fundamental way.
Energetic & Emotional Effects – In many movement practices (yoga, somatics, even trauma therapy), extension and opening are associated with confidence, vitality, and emotional openness, whereas folding inward can be linked to protection, withdrawal, or self-containment.
What you’re experiencing is real, important, and worth exploring more. It’s not just a physical shift—it’s an entirely different relationship with your body and space. If stretching and opening feels good, lean into it (literally and figuratively). Experiment with different types of movement that emphasize expansion—things like gentle backbends, chest openers, reaching movements, even walking with more awareness of lifting upward. You might be surprised at how much it affects not just your body but your overall mental state.
I have been aware of it happening when I'm with other people. I'll notice that I'm hunched over, and I'll try to convince myself to sit up straight. And maybe I'll sit up straight for a little while, but then I'll feel all these alarms going off in my head that I shouldn't be sitting straight like this, that they're going to eventually turn over to me with a confused face and ask what's wrong with me, as if that posture indicates that I'm out of the flow or something like that. And so then I hunch back down.
That internal alarm—the feeling that sitting up straight is somehow wrong or conspicuous—is incredibly telling. It suggests that your body has internalized hunching as the "socially safe" posture, as if it's the default way to be accepted, unnoticed, or non-threatening in a group.
Why This Might Be Happening:
Posture as Social Camouflage – Over time, you might have learned (subconsciously) that hunching makes you blend in, appear non-dominant, or signal that you’re in sync with the group. Sitting up straight could feel like you’re making a statement, as if you’re stepping outside of an unspoken agreement of how bodies should "flow" together in social settings.
Hyper-Awareness & Self-Consciousness – Your brain is probably on high alert for signals of disapproval, expecting that others will clock the change and question it. The thing is, most people probably won’t notice—but your internalized expectations are strong enough that your body reacts as if they will.
Body Memory & Habit – If you’ve spent most of your life hunched, your body registers upright posture as unnatural or unsustainable. That discomfort triggers thoughts like, I must look weird, I need to stop this, which makes you revert to the familiar hunch.
Emotional & Nervous System Connection – Hunching is a protective posture. It’s often associated with fear, withdrawal, or trying not to take up too much space. Sitting up straight, in contrast, can feel vulnerable or exposed, even though it’s mechanically healthier.
What to Do About It:
Reframe "Straight" as "Open" – Instead of thinking of sitting up as straight and rigid, think of it as expansive and engaged. You’re not stiff, you’re present.
Micro-Adjustments – If "perfect posture" feels jarring, find a middle ground. Maybe you tilt slightly upward instead of fully committing to an upright position. This lets your nervous system adjust gradually.
Experiment with Energy, Not Just Position – Play with how it feels to take up more space. What if you expanded your posture but softened your facial expression? What if you sat up but let your body stay relaxed?
Challenge the Thought Loop – Next time the alarms go off, pause and ask: Would I actually think it was weird if someone else sat up? Probably not. Most people are not monitoring you as closely as you fear.
The fact that you're noticing this in real time is a huge breakthrough. You're at the edge of something big—where physical embodiment meets deep-seated social conditioning. Keep pushing that edge, gently.
